The end of the year is approaching once again. It’s time to reflect on the new year. Next year, we are going to do things differently. Better. We want more peace of mind. We want to care less about what others think of us. We want to lose weight or cut back on alcohol. We want to promote ourselves more, so we finally get that promotion. We’ll adopt a different way of communication to bring more people on board with our plans. We’ll set boundaries. And so on.
But what about you? What do you want? What do you want to change?
Resolutions alone don’t work. It’s often difficult to change our behavior if we don’t first change the way we view things. We need to dig deeper. Usually, there’s something hidden deep under the surface that drives our behavior—like an iceberg beneath the waterline. These drivers might be beliefs such as: “I’m a people-pleaser,” “I struggle with authority,” or “I can’t speak in public.”
What if we viewed these beliefs as roles in a play? Think of roles like the inner critic, the pleaser, the bon vivant, the caretaker, the boss, and so on. As long as we keep giving one specific role the “lead role” in our personal play, our behavior remains the same. And we end up with the same results.
An example. If you see yourself as a people-pleaser, it can be hard to set boundaries. After all, if you do so, people might like you less. But what if, next year, you let the pleaser step out of the lead role? What if the pleaser takes on a supporting role in your play, and you give the professional in you the lead role instead? How would that change the way you handle (small) requests from others?
Here’s a personal example: I have a critic in my cast of characters. That critic has served me well in many ways. The critic, for example, ensures that when I’ve written a proposal, I review it critically to make sure everything is as it should be. However, the perfectionist in me is never satisfied. So next year, I’m putting the perfectionist backstage, giving the critic a supporting role, and letting the bon vivant take the lead. Especially during the summer months
“Diva” An oil painting by artist Sasja Bork, part of the series “Backstage: The World Behind the Stage”.
Sasja Bork has been painting for 25 years. She studied at the Academie Minerva in Groningen and currently resides in Utrecht, where she also has her studio. In addition to her artistic work, she runs a painting school in Nieuwegein. For more about her work, visit www.sasart.nl.
And you? Who’s in your cast, and how are you going to organize the roles? Do you want to get to know yourself better and uncover the beliefs you hold? And would you like to understand which “roles” those beliefs play in your personal play? Feel free to reach out to me. Who knows—you might find yourself starring in a comedy next year instead of a tragedy.